The illusion of reality

What in fact is the past? The past is not a reality; it’s just a concept. The future corresponds to projections, anticipations that do not have any reality either. The past has already occurred; the future does not yet exist. These notions affect us as realities, although they have no substance. The present is the truth that we are experiencing here and now, but it is an elusive reality that does not last. We find ourselves in a paradoxical situation in which the present constitutes a border, a limit between a past and a future without any concrete reality. The present is that elusive moment between what no longer exists and what has not yet happened.

These notions that we take as “reality” are pure intellectual fabrications that do not involve an independent reality, existent in itself. According to the Buddha, perceived phenomena exist only from the standpoint of their designation—that is, the names and concepts we attach to them. The functioning of phenomena does not reveal a palpable entity that is uniquely theirs. You could compare phenomena to a mirage: the closer you get to it, the farther away it gets, until it disappears. Similarly faced with the mind that analyzes them, phenomena vanish.

— Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama

(Photo by Éole Wind)

The Miracle of Flowers

If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole life would change.

— Buddha

My Vipassana experience

One full week has gone by since I came back from a 10 day Vipassana Meditation retreat. It’s time I write a detail documentation of my understanding about the concept, my experience, and the after effects of the course.

What is Vipassana?

Vipassana is a Pali term (derived from Sanskrit Vipashyana) that would mean clear vision, to see clearly, to see things, people, situations, thoughts, feelings, etc., as they are, not how you suppose these are or how you want these to be.

For example, when there is a pain in some part of your body, generally the mind exaggerates the pain and suggests you all kinds of fears, and that’s what causes most of the suffering. When you remove these fears and stop the mind from reacting to pain, you look at the reality of the situation as it is, accept that there is pain, know that the pain is impermanent, and so there is equanimity, calmness, and peace of mind. That’s the end of suffering. And the pain eventually goes away, much quicker when you look at it with an equanimous mind.

Similarly, in a relationship with a person, your mind generally doesn’t look at the person as they are. You have an image about this person based on past experience and there are expectations about how you want this person to behave. The mind created image and expectations you have about this person prevent you from looking at the person as they are right now. As long as you can’t look at the person as they are, there is no communication at the deepest level and such a relationship is bound to fail. People keep changing. When the mind accepts this fact and looks at the person as they are, there is better communication, better understanding and better relationship.

It’s all about being in the present moment and being totally aware of your mind, body, feelings even as you work, as you drive, as you walk, as you talk to a person, etc., When there is such total awareness of the present moment, unnecessary fears drop off themselves and life gets better.

What is Vipassana Meditation?

It is easy to understand this concept, but when you try to apply this in everyday life, there is resistance from deep rooted habits and past impressions stored in your sub-conscious mind, you can call this karmic burden, or sanskaras (or as Buddhists call, sankharas). So, it helps to stay away from all distractions, just sit down and be with yourself for 10-20 minutes everyday, just be aware of yourself, your breath, the feelings in your body, your being (of course, this cannot be generalized, there could be people born with very little sanskaras and they don’t need to sit down to meditate this way, to them the whole life is meditation). When you sit down and meditate this way, the past impressions from your sub-conscious mind come up and you directly deal with them. When you stay totally aware in the present moment, these impressions evaporate. Regular practice of such meditation once or twice everyday for 10-20 minutes makes it easy to stay aware the rest of the day.

You may want to dive deeper and do this kind of meditation for days together and take out very deep rooted impressions and complexes. This is where you can take up a systematic practice of Vipassana Meditation developed by Gautama Buddha. At this day, there are various Buddhistic schools offering Vipassana Meditation courses. The kind of 10 day Vipassana course I went through is being conducted by Mr. SN Goenka and his group. He says that the course and format in which he is conducting was handed down directly by Gautama Buddha, preserved by a tradition of Burmese teachers over the last 2500+ years. There are good reasons to believe him, but most importantly, the method still works.

The method

Please see http://www.dhamma.org/en/vipassana.shtml and http://www.dhamma.org/en/code.shtml

My experience of the 10 day course

Now, why at all I attended this course? For the past 3 months or so, I have been hitting a stagnation. Outwardly all has been well, no problems, but at a deeper level it seemed as if I’m caught up in some kind of endless loop powered by deep rooted impressions. The problem is too abstract and subtle to describe in words. I have been practicing meditation for years and I knew the right thing I had to do was to go deeper into myself instead of trying to fix external things or just running away from the problem. I tried to do this myself, go into deep meditation, but it’s extremely difficult to do this myself at my place with all the distractions. That’s when I came to know about this 10 day course. I’ve heard about this course years before and I thought 10 days of silence and meditation is too much for me. But this time it came to me at the right time and I took it up at the first available opportunity.

The very first thing, they stress the importance of silence and the five percepts (just for the 10 days), and as you go on for the first 2-3 days, you appreciate the importance of this discipline, it helps you. The schedule was hard, at least during the early days. Regular practice of yoga (of the acrobatic type) and meditation for years has made my body supple and flexible, but sitting down for 10 hours a day with closed eyes (of course, with breaks inbetween) was still hard. But not to worry, the first three days is just the preparation, the actual technique starts only on the fourth day. So, by that time, you are prepared, even you’ve not had any meditation experience in the past.

There was a lot of physical pain for the first 2 days. Pain in my right knee, ankles, right side of my neck, partly due to subtle errors in my posture and partly because my sensitivity has increased. I tried changing posture, but each posture has its set of pains. There was a particular session where all I did was to change posture every five minutes, and I even tried sitting facing different directions, I even thought of requesting a chair. But soon I realized it’s just the mind playing tricks, for there were people, much older in age but without much experience in meditation sitting cross legged and trying sincerely. So, I decided I’ll stick with a posture that’s most comfortable for me despite any pain. It helped. As I persisted, gradually the posture got corrected by itself and pain slowly died away. It became clearer and clearer that every negative/hard thought contracts some muscle in the body. Contraction over a longer period of time gives pain (and contraction over longer and longer periods of time becomes disease). As I relax within, the physical contraction too relaxes and the pain is gone.

As you go on, there are good sessions where you feel absolutely peaceful and there are sessions where the mind is totally distracted. One session feels absolutely pleasant, a few hours later there is total pain, and then again all is good. Emotions go high and low, and slowly you learn to remain equanimous with all that you experience.

The past impressions, especially the negativity, comes out layer by layer. Now, when I say negativity, you can’t so much identify the content of the negativity. Most of the times you can’t identify what kind of events in your past put that negativity into your system. For example, the sixth day of my course, there was a big wave of negativity. Every small disturbance made me angry. A little cough from the person sitting next to me made me so angry that I felt like smashing this person’s head into pieces. Everything seemed so irritating and I couldn’t find out why, I started doubting the whole process and felt like running back to home. But then, I knew this is bound to happen, this is to be expected, and if I leave it half way it wouldn’t make my life any better. Later into the evening, the negativity was gone and I started feeling compassion in me again. All the while I didn’t know what actually put that big chuck of negativity into my system, but I knew it’s always been there hidden inside.

There are other times, you can actually identify the negativity. For example, towards the 8th or 9th day, I felt like I was in school again. As with any child, when I was a very little child, there was a certain fright when it came to the class room, teachers, blackboard, etc., a certain kind of going into the shell. All those feelings were coming out and I was surprised it was still there within me.

And it’s not just about negativity and pain, there were also hidden layers of pleasure in the form of craving for some external object.

How do I feel after the course? Would I recommend it to others?

During the course, after the first 3-4 days, it felt absolutely fantastic that I wanted to recommend this course to anyone and everyone I know. But when that big wave of negativity came in during the 6th day it all reversed and I was actually thinking of recommending against anybody from taking the course. After that again it felt good. Even during the 10th day, there were reversals of my opinion about the course. So after I came back, I did not want to hastily tell something about the course to anybody. I wanted to give my feelings some time to stabilize. Reality hit hard immediately after I came back from days in silence and peaceful environment, and it felt a little difficult. One week on, I find myself more relaxed than ever before, more easy, more confident. I see that I used to try a little too hard previously. I see that my awareness and presence has grown. For example, even as ride my bike in heavy traffic, or as I sit in front of the monitor and solve a problem, I immediately sense whenever there is a little contraction in some part of the body. This sensing itself immediately relaxes the contraction and I see that my mind too becomes relaxed. All the physical pain and emotional pain experienced during the course have gone completely. The cravings too have gone down considerably. I’m feeling much lighter physically and relaxed inside and outside.

So would I recommend this course to others? Yes, but for best results you should commit you will go through the full 10 day course no matter what. Nothing bad really happens during the course, but at times during the course your mind magnifies every little problem and tempts you to quit. Leaving it halfway doesn’t make your life any better. Also, it helps you get the most out of the course if you go into it with an understanding of what this is all about. I suggest you read Eckhart Tolle’s book “The Power of Now”. Eckhart Tolle doesn’t speak about this course, but it’s the same concept. Also practice awareness during everyday activities, for example, when you wait in a queue, travel, drive, go up and down in an elevator, just become aware of your breath, note what happens in your body, how you feel. This kind of ‘practice’ during everyday activities of life eases you into regular meditation everyday if you need it, and if you need it, into such a 10 day meditation course.

Even though it’s been handed down from the Buddha, it should be obvious by now that this ‘practice’ is absolutely non-dogmatic, non-sectarian it’s just plain common sense. Everyone, from businessmen to labourers, prisoners, police personnel, actors, Hindu monks, Buddhist monks, Christian nuns, atheists, people in their 20s, people in 80s, married, unmarried, men, women, even pregnants, all take up the course, so anyone can do it.

Ultimately, it’s not so much about the course or the method or the ‘practice’… it’s about becoming more and more aware of all that’s happening in and around you, it’s about looking at things, people, situations, thoughts, feelings clearly, as they are.

So, that is it. Have I left out anything? Please ask.

The dog chase, and the wise one

I was walking down the streets when I heard the sound of a dog barking behind me. I turned back and found that a dog, full of rage was running straight towards me. Immediately I started running away from the dog. I was running as fast as I can, but the dog was full of determination and continued to chase me. I tried to escape the dog by climbing on to the trees, but the dog too climbed on the trees. I jumped to the top of the building and the dog followed me wherever I went. That was one determined dog decided to hunt me no matter what. The chase continued and continued, every moment felt like whole ages. My being was filled with fear from top to bottom, I was sweating and my heart was pounding as I was running, the dog too was inching closer and closer and closer.

Just then I saw a serene person standing on the street, he looked like an old friend, he looked like a Buddha. I felt that he is the only person who can save me. I went to him, and tried to hide behind him. I prayed him to save me. This man seemed to have an effect on the dog the dog dare not approach me who was hiding behind him. I was still breathing fast, and the heart was beating fast, and I asked him why the dog is following me? “Why me? of all the people?” He smiled at me and told me something to this effect, “It’s all your own making. You don’t remember, you poured water on the dog and threw stones at the dog (!) and that’s why he’s determined to take a revenge on you. The law takes its course whether or not you remember your past actions. Nothing comes unwarranted. You reap what you sow.” Saying this, he disappeared leaving me all alone with the dog at a striking distance before me. The dog was looking at me furiously with clenched teeth. There is no use in running now. Yes, the Buddha was right, it’s all due to my own karma, I ridiculed the dog by pouring water and throwing stones at him, and he’s now chasing me to fulfil the law. I had no other option now. I gave up and let the law take its course. There is nothing more for me now. It’s all over, I renounce, I totally surrender. I gave up all hopes, and surprisingly the fears too left me. I was facing the moment, facing the furious dog, he was about to strike me, this is it, this is the moment…. just then, suddenly, everything vanished… the dream broke! Oh my God, was it a dream?… it was just a dream!!

But I was wondering what would have happened. Did the dog attack me? or did he let me go? While I was out of the dream, I was still lying on my bed with closed eyes, and now the same Buddha figure appeared in my mind and communicated to me, “Whether or not the dog attacked you doesn’t matter. What matters is that you woke up. The details of the dream doesn’t matter. The important thing is that you learnt your lesson.” Saying this he dissolved into nothingness and I got up from the bed for yet another day in the real world.

‘Real’ world? How do I know that this ‘real’ world is not just another dream? What is ‘real’? Can somebody explain this to me?

But I really don’t care. The dreams come and go, the objects of the ‘real’ world come and go, the experiences come and go, memories come and go. But the one thing that stays throughout the dreams, the one thing that survives the experiences of ‘real’ world, the one thing that is beyond all the fleeting existence is the feeling of ‘I Am’. The one pure existence, pure consciousness and bliss absolute, the one who witnesses the dreams and experiences of the real world, the one who sees through everything. He is the prime subject, He is the object too. He is the One, and I Am He. Satchidanandoham.

(Just for a record, this dream happened to me this morning (12 Dec 2008) just before I woke up from my sleep.)

The dawn of wisdom

“I am the wisdom of the wise.” — Bhagavad Gita (Song of God)

Photo credit: shoebappa

This blog is titled ‘The fire of wisdom’. What is wisdom? Is wisdom something to be gained? Is wisdom something that can be acquired? Is wisdom like a vegetable that you can buy from the market? Or is it like money that you accumulate and deposit into a bank account?

Wisdom, to me, is a state of being, the natural state of being. Wisdom is not something you acquire or accumulate. Buddha was called Buddha (the wise one) not because he acquired wisdom from somewhere else, but he simply removed the veil of ignorance and raised himself to his natural state of pure wisdom. Being in wisdom is your real nature. All you need to do is to uncover yourself and get rid of certain prejudices, misunderstandings, misconceptions, attachments that prevent you from realizing your real nature. The sun has always been shining behind the clouds. The cloud is temporary, but you think that being cloudy is your real nature. Sometimes, without your asking for it, the clouds of ignorance break up a little and you get a glimpse of wisdom, just for a moment, and you call that phenomena as intuition. But it’s not necessary to be at the mercy of the clouds. You can systematically blow away the clouds and let the rays of wisdom totally bathe you!

There are various methods to blow away the clouds of ignorance. Sheer devotion to God can raise you to the level of God who is nothing but wisdom. When you learn to enjoy unselfish work, you can free yourself from attachments that prevent you from being in the state of wisdom. Certain physical postures called yoga asanas, and exercises like pranayama can free you from inflexibilities and free the energies that gets clogged up in parts of your body and in nervous centres and you will be able to freely access the state of wisdom. Meditation and awareness can directly expose the dross in your mind and you can’t help but to rid of the dross, and then wisdom shines. Sparks of wisdom in the form of words coming through wise men and women can burn away a little ignorance in you, that’s what this blog mostly deals with.

There is no best method to disperse the clouds of ignorance. The best way is to use all these methods in varying proportions according to your circumstances. The important thing here to remember is that all these methods don’t deal with wisdom directly, they only help you clean up the impurities and ignorance. No master, no method, no book, no blog can ‘give’ you or ‘bring’ you wisdom. All they can do is make you aware of your ignorance and it’s upto you to choose wisdom or ignorance.

Wisdom is not personal. There is only one wisdom. It’s not my wisdom or your wisdom. There is only one sun whether you look at it from Antarctica or Australia or India or Mars or Jupiter. Wisdom is there for you to behold, but it’s not something you can hold on to. Wisdom flows. It’s like the present moment. When you try to hold on to the present moment, it’s already past! When you say ‘my’ wisdom, it’s no more wisdom, it’s only the residue. And wisdom is not in the future, you cannot anticipate wisdom. Wisdom IS. In fact, present moment awareness is a gateway to the state of wisdom… in fact, living in the present moment is wisdom.

Wisdom is not dependent on you. That you are currently experiencing night time doesn’t mean that that the sun has vanished. It’s always there on the other side. Just that you live in that half of the earth that is temporarily hidden from the rays of the sun, that temporarily goes through the phase of night. When you raise high above earth, when you come out of your comfort zone and float in space, there is no more night and day for you, you have transcended relativity, you are directly exposed to the sun of wisdom. It’s true that life on the dark side of the planet can be beautiful too. Living in the shadow, we have greatly been enjoying the beauty of moon, the twinkling stars, the meteor showers, and what not! But darkness is not eternal, the night has to give way for the day, sooner or later. And don’t you think we have lived in darkness for long enough? So long that we have totally forgotten that there are such things as sun and day. Don’t you think it’s time for dawn? Whether you are ready for it or not, the dawn is coming! Now, you don’t even have to raise high above the earth, you don’t have to renounce the the world. When the dawn comes, when sun of wisdom rises, it lights up everybody and everything right here on earth. Don’t worry that you will miss your stars and the moons. The sun is much more brilliant than the moon and all the stars combined, the day much more beautiful than you can imagine. The thieves that thrive in darkness — the dark forces — are so desperate now because these forces know that their times are coming to an end. The era of ignorance is coming to a close. Better prepare yourself for the dawn! Prepare yourself to bask in the glory of wisdom!

As the rising sun dispels darkness from men’s eyes and discovers what before lay hidden, so the dawn of knowledge removes evil from men’s intellect and reveals the Atman. Then do men know themselves as the Atman, and the Atman as themselves. — Bhagavatam.